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When I first came to be a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Popular Parenting Books
There were a few books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they found out in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Popular Parenting Books
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Popular Parenting Books
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started checking out blog posts regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, severe punishments as well as practically every other generally approved parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas lead to healthy child development Popular Parenting Books
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could seem to help for the moment. But in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Popular Parenting Books
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they want Popular Parenting Books
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that cooperation always generates much better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than mere outward compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s just how I was parented, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Popular Parenting Books
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently simpler (and much more common in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Popular Parenting Books
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a key feeling underneath it
• Most mad children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following example … Popular Parenting Books
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we must be willing to provide first. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and you appreciate them as an individual. Popular Parenting Books
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Popular Parenting Books
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to solve the problem. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Popular Parenting Books
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my other half, Antonio, and also his two teen sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Popular Parenting Books
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. Yet bit by bit, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about growing to be a more positive mom or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Popular Parenting Books
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Popular Parenting Books
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.