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When I initially became a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Approach Meaning
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Positive Approach Meaning
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Positive Approach Meaning
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started checking out blogs concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also pretty much every other commonly approved parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas bring about healthy child development Positive Approach Meaning
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit temporarily. However in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Positive Approach Meaning
Let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Positive Approach Meaning
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that collaboration consistently produces better long-lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have actually figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what occurs once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple external conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Positive Approach Meaning
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly easier (and more typical in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a great deal more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Positive Approach Meaning
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from delighted one minute to major meltdown the next. Instead of fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a main feeling beneath it
• A lot of upset children are really frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The point is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following example … Positive Approach Meaning
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we should be eager to offer. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and you value them as an individual. Positive Approach Meaning
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Positive Approach Meaning
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any individual to fix the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Positive Approach Meaning
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you become a positive parent? Positive Approach Meaning
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old way of life. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about becoming an extra positive mom or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Approach Meaning
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Positive Approach Meaning
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