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When I first came to be a mommy, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Co Parenting
There were a couple of books on our shelf about handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Positive Co Parenting
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Positive Co Parenting
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started checking out material regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also practically every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts result in healthy child development Positive Co Parenting
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could appear to help for the moment. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Positive Co Parenting
Let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Positive Co Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that cooperation always generates better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who embrace this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple outward compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Positive Co Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Identify the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually much easier (as well as extra typical in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you as well as me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Positive Co Parenting
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a main feeling below it
• A lot of mad children are in fact scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad because I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s hard because you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following scenario … Positive Co Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to obtain from our child, we must be willing to offer. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and also show your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as an individual. Positive Co Parenting
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind despite disputes. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Positive Co Parenting
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to resolve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Positive Co Parenting
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, and also even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and also his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Positive Co Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mama or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Co Parenting
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Positive Co Parenting
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