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When I initially came to be a mother, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Development
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I became a mama.Positive Development
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Positive Development
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started checking out articles regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, severe punishments and basically every other generally approved parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Positive Development
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could seem to help temporarily. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Positive Development
Let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they ask for Positive Development
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that collaboration always produces much better lasting results than forced control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what happens once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere outside compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s how I was parented, and I just had no framework for anything different. Positive Development
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually much easier (and also extra usual in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Positive Development
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet developed. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete meltdown the next. So instead of dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a main feeling underneath it
• Most angry children are really frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough since you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next scenario … Positive Development
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to get from our child, we must be ready to give. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and also show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as a person. Positive Development
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Positive Development
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any person to resolve the problem. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Positive Development
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve disputes, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Positive Development
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old way of life. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Development
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Positive Development
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