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When I first became a mommy, I recognized that I wished to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Dicipline
There were a few books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Positive Dicipline
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Positive Dicipline
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started reading blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also practically every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development Positive Dicipline
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” may appear to work temporarily. However in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Positive Dicipline
Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they want Positive Dicipline
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that cooperation always generates far better long-term results than forced control.
Parents that embrace this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain outward compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Positive Dicipline
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often much easier (and also much more typical in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Positive Dicipline
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a primary feeling under it
• Many upset children are really frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next example … Positive Dicipline
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to receive from our child, we need to be ready to give. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard and show your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as an individual. Positive Dicipline
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind despite problems. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the primary step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Positive Dicipline
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any person to solve the dispute. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Positive Dicipline
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Positive Dicipline
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. However bit by bit, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not think how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about growing to be a more positive mom or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Dicipline
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Positive Dicipline
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