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When I initially came to be a mommy, I recognized that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Positive Discipline A-Z
There were a few books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Positive Discipline A-Z
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Positive Discipline A-Z
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started reviewing blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and pretty much every other typically approved parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development Positive Discipline A-Z
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” may seem to help for the moment. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Positive Discipline A-Z
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they want Positive Discipline A-Z
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the reality that cooperation consistently generates better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain exterior conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Positive Discipline A-Z
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently easier (and much more usual in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a whole lot more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you as well as me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Positive Discipline A-Z
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to complete tantrum the next. Rather than combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a main emotion underneath it
• Most angry children are actually frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following example … Positive Discipline A-Z
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to receive from our child, we must be prepared to offer. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and you value them as an individual. Positive Discipline A-Z
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Positive Discipline A-Z
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anyone to resolve the problem. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Positive Discipline A-Z
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
How can you become a positive parent? Positive Discipline A-Z
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old ways. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Discipline A-Z
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Positive Discipline A-Z
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.