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When I first came to be a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Discipline Book
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they found out in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Positive Discipline Book
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Positive Discipline Book
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began reading articles concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also virtually every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Positive Discipline Book
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might appear to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Positive Discipline Book
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they want Positive Discipline Book
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently produces far better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who adopt this design have figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what occurs once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain external compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Positive Discipline Book
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically much easier (and also a lot more typical in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you as well as me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Positive Discipline Book
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to complete meltdown the next. So rather than combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a primary feeling under it
• Many mad children are in fact anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s difficult because you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … Positive Discipline Book
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we must want to provide before anyone else. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard and show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as an individual. Positive Discipline Book
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Positive Discipline Book
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anybody to resolve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Positive Discipline Book
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positive Discipline Book
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about becoming a much more positive mama or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Discipline Book
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Positive Discipline Book
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.