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When I initially became a mom, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Discipline Certification
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Positive Discipline Certification
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Positive Discipline Certification
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started reading material regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as practically every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Positive Discipline Certification
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit temporarily. But long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Positive Discipline Certification
First, let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Positive Discipline Certification
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that cooperation consistently yields better long-term results than forced control.
Parents who adopt this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what occurs when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple outward compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Positive Discipline Certification
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently simpler (and extra typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a lot farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and also me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Positive Discipline Certification
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from joyful one moment to complete tantrum the next. So rather than dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a primary feeling underneath it
• A lot of upset children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our next scenario … Positive Discipline Certification
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we need to be prepared to provide. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example and also communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and you value them as a person. Positive Discipline Certification
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Positive Discipline Certification
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any individual to deal with the problem. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Positive Discipline Certification
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to settle disputes, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Positive Discipline Certification
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mama or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Discipline Certification
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Positive Discipline Certification
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