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When I initially became a mother, I recognized that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Discipline Classroom Management
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Positive Discipline Classroom Management
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Positive Discipline Classroom Management
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reviewing articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and basically every other generally accepted parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development Positive Discipline Classroom Management
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit temporarily. But in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Positive Discipline Classroom Management
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they want Positive Discipline Classroom Management
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that collaboration always yields much better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple outward compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Positive Discipline Classroom Management
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Below are a number of the techniques Amy reveals to encourage you to come to be the mother or father you have actually always wished to be, as well as help your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s often much easier (and also extra typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you as well as me. And many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Positive Discipline Classroom Management
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a main emotion beneath it
• The majority of angry children are actually scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s difficult since you really really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following example … Positive Discipline Classroom Management
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we need to be willing to offer. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as an individual. Positive Discipline Classroom Management
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind despite problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Positive Discipline Classroom Management
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to settle the problem. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Positive Discipline Classroom Management
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Positive Discipline Classroom Management
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old way of life. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mama or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Discipline Classroom Management
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Positive Discipline Classroom Management
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