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When I first became a mom, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Discipline Classroom
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Positive Discipline Classroom
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Positive Discipline Classroom
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started checking out blog posts concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and also basically every other commonly approved parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles bring about healthy child development Positive Discipline Classroom
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could seem to help temporarily. However in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Positive Discipline Classroom
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they ask for Positive Discipline Classroom
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that cooperation consistently yields better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain outside conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Positive Discipline Classroom
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently simpler (and a lot more common in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Positive Discipline Classroom
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a primary feeling beneath it
• The majority of angry children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry since I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough because you genuinely want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Positive Discipline Classroom
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to receive from our child, we need to agree to give first. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen simply because I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the example and also show your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Positive Discipline Classroom
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Positive Discipline Classroom
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any individual to settle the conflict. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Positive Discipline Classroom
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to solve disputes, and even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positive Discipline Classroom
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old way of life. However gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you’ve altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about coming to be a more positive mommy or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Discipline Classroom
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Positive Discipline Classroom
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.