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When I initially came to be a mommy, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Discipline Family Meetings
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they found out in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Positive Discipline Family Meetings
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Positive Discipline Family Meetings
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reviewing blogs concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, severe punishments and pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Positive Discipline Family Meetings
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may appear to help for the moment. But in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Positive Discipline Family Meetings
Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Positive Discipline Family Meetings
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently produces better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than plain external compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s how I was parented, and I just had no framework for anything different. Positive Discipline Family Meetings
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually widely accepted (as well as more usual in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Positive Discipline Family Meetings
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from delighted one moment to complete tantrum the next. So rather than battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a key feeling underneath it
• Most angry children are in fact scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our following scenario … Positive Discipline Family Meetings
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we should agree to offer before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as an individual. Positive Discipline Family Meetings
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Positive Discipline Family Meetings
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any individual to resolve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Positive Discipline Family Meetings
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Positive Discipline Family Meetings
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old way of life. Yet gradually, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about becoming a much more positive mommy or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Discipline Family Meetings
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Positive Discipline Family Meetings
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