Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first came to be a mom, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Discipline For Preschoolers
There were a few books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Positive Discipline For Preschoolers
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Positive Discipline For Preschoolers
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started reading blogs concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and basically every other generally approved parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Positive Discipline For Preschoolers
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Positive Discipline For Preschoolers
Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they want Positive Discipline For Preschoolers
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that collaboration consistently produces much better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have actually figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain outward conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s just how I was parented, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Positive Discipline For Preschoolers
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Identify the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly much easier (as well as extra usual in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a whole lot farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you as well as me. And also most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Positive Discipline For Preschoolers
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a main emotion under it
• Most angry children are really scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s hard since you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … Positive Discipline For Preschoolers
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to obtain from our child, we must be eager to give. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as a person. Positive Discipline For Preschoolers
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Positive Discipline For Preschoolers
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to solve the dispute. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Positive Discipline For Preschoolers
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to deal with disputes, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his two teen boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Positive Discipline For Preschoolers
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Discipline For Preschoolers
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Positive Discipline For Preschoolers
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.