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When I first became a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Positive Discipline For Single Parents
There were a few books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Positive Discipline For Single Parents
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Positive Discipline For Single Parents
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started checking out blogs concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and practically every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts bring about healthy child development Positive Discipline For Single Parents
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” might appear to help temporarily. But in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history and learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Positive Discipline For Single Parents
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they want Positive Discipline For Single Parents
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that cooperation always yields much better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain outside conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Positive Discipline For Single Parents
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Right here are a couple of the strategies Amy teaches to help you to evolve into the mama or daddy you have actually always intended to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his/her highest potential.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly much easier (as well as a lot more usual in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Positive Discipline For Single Parents
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a main emotion below it
• Many upset children are in fact scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that big need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s tough since you truly want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following example … Positive Discipline For Single Parents
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to receive from our child, we need to be willing to give first. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard and show your teen that you value their point of view, and you value them as an individual. Positive Discipline For Single Parents
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Positive Discipline For Single Parents
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anybody to resolve the problem. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Positive Discipline For Single Parents
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my other half, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Positive Discipline For Single Parents
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about growing to be a more positive mom or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Discipline For Single Parents
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Positive Discipline For Single Parents
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