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When I initially became a mom, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Discipline For Teachers
There were a couple of books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Positive Discipline For Teachers
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Positive Discipline For Teachers
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reading blog posts about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also pretty much every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles cause healthy child development Positive Discipline For Teachers
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean father” might appear to help temporarily. However long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Positive Discipline For Teachers
Let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Positive Discipline For Teachers
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently yields much better lasting results than strict control.
Parents who adopt this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple external compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I just had no framework for anything different. Positive Discipline For Teachers
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically much easier (and much more usual in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a whole lot farther towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Positive Discipline For Teachers
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from joyful one minute to complete tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a key emotion under it
• The majority of angry children are really anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s hard since you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next example … Positive Discipline For Teachers
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to get from our child, we should be ready to give. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and you respect them as a person. Positive Discipline For Teachers
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Positive Discipline For Teachers
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any person to solve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Positive Discipline For Teachers
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my other half, Antonio, and his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you become a positive parent? Positive Discipline For Teachers
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you have actually altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about coming to be a more positive mom or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Discipline For Teachers
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Positive Discipline For Teachers
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