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When I first came to be a mother, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Discipline Guide
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to recognize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Positive Discipline Guide
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Positive Discipline Guide
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started reviewing material about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and also virtually every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Positive Discipline Guide
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” might seem to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Positive Discipline Guide
Initially, let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they ask for Positive Discipline Guide
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that cooperation always produces far better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents that adopt this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what happens as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere outside compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Positive Discipline Guide
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly easier (and also more typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you as well as me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Positive Discipline Guide
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from happy one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a main feeling underneath it
• The majority of upset children are really frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … Positive Discipline Guide
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to receive from our child, we should want to offer before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen just since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as an individual. Positive Discipline Guide
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Positive Discipline Guide
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any individual to deal with the problem. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Positive Discipline Guide
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Positive Discipline Guide
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old way of life. Yet gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about becoming a much more positive mama or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Discipline Guide
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Positive Discipline Guide
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.