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When I first became a mommy, I recognized that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Discipline Guidelines
There were a few books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they found out in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mama.Positive Discipline Guidelines
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Positive Discipline Guidelines
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began reviewing articles regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and practically every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development Positive Discipline Guidelines
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might appear to benefit for the moment. But in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Positive Discipline Guidelines
Let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Positive Discipline Guidelines
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that collaboration consistently generates better long-term results than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what happens when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than mere exterior compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Positive Discipline Guidelines
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly widely accepted (as well as much more usual in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and also me. And also most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Positive Discipline Guidelines
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. So instead of battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a main feeling below it
• A lot of upset children are actually scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s hard since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Positive Discipline Guidelines
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to obtain from our child, we should want to give before anyone else. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example as well as show your teen that you value their point of view, and you value them as a person. Positive Discipline Guidelines
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Positive Discipline Guidelines
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anybody to resolve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Positive Discipline Guidelines
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you become a positive parent? Positive Discipline Guidelines
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mama or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Discipline Guidelines
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Positive Discipline Guidelines
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.