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When I initially came to be a mommy, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Discipline HR
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they discovered in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Positive Discipline HR
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Positive Discipline HR
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started reading blogs about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also pretty much every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development Positive Discipline HR
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” could appear to help for the moment. However long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Positive Discipline HR
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they want Positive Discipline HR
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that collaboration always generates much better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what happens when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere outside compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Positive Discipline HR
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently easier (as well as much more usual in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal further towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Positive Discipline HR
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a main feeling beneath it
• A lot of upset children are in fact anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following example … Positive Discipline HR
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to receive from our child, we have to be eager to provide. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Positive Discipline HR
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Positive Discipline HR
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anybody to resolve the conflict. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Positive Discipline HR
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you become a positive parent? Positive Discipline HR
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. Yet gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about becoming a much more positive mama or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Discipline HR
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Positive Discipline HR
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