Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first came to be a mom, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Positive Discipline In Schools
There were a few books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Positive Discipline In Schools
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Positive Discipline In Schools
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reviewing blog posts regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as basically every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Positive Discipline In Schools
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit for the moment. However long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Positive Discipline In Schools
Let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they want Positive Discipline In Schools
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that collaboration always generates far better long-lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than plain external conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Positive Discipline In Schools
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently widely accepted (and also a lot more common in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Positive Discipline In Schools
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That means they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a key feeling underneath it
• Many angry children are actually frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you really wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The point is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … Positive Discipline In Schools
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to obtain from our child, we have to be prepared to provide. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and you respect them as a person. Positive Discipline In Schools
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Positive Discipline In Schools
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anyone to resolve the conflict. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Positive Discipline In Schools
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his two teen boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you become a positive parent? Positive Discipline In Schools
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old parenting style. However little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you have actually altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about coming to be a more positive mommy or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Discipline In Schools
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Positive Discipline In Schools
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.