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When I first became a mom, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Positive Discipline In The Classroom Book
There were a couple of books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mom.Positive Discipline In The Classroom Book
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Positive Discipline In The Classroom Book
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reading blog posts about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, severe punishments and virtually every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles result in healthy child development Positive Discipline In The Classroom Book
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could appear to help for the moment. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Positive Discipline In The Classroom Book
First, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they want Positive Discipline In The Classroom Book
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that collaboration consistently yields much better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple outside compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Positive Discipline In The Classroom Book
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically easier (and also much more typical in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and also me. And most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Positive Discipline In The Classroom Book
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a key emotion underneath it
• Many upset children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … Positive Discipline In The Classroom Book
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to obtain from our child, we have to be willing to offer. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as a person. Positive Discipline In The Classroom Book
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Positive Discipline In The Classroom Book
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anyone to solve the dispute. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Positive Discipline In The Classroom Book
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Positive Discipline In The Classroom Book
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about becoming a more positive mommy or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Discipline In The Classroom Book
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Positive Discipline In The Classroom Book
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