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When I first became a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Positive Discipline Jane Nelson
There were a few books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I became a mother.Positive Discipline Jane Nelson
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Positive Discipline Jane Nelson
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reading articles concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and pretty much every other generally approved parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development Positive Discipline Jane Nelson
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to help for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Positive Discipline Jane Nelson
Initially, let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Positive Discipline Jane Nelson
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that cooperation always produces better long-lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have actually figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple exterior compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Positive Discipline Jane Nelson
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (and more usual in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and me. And frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Positive Discipline Jane Nelson
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from delighted one minute to major meltdown the next. Instead of fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a key emotion under it
• The majority of mad children are actually frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s difficult because you truly want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … Positive Discipline Jane Nelson
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we have to be prepared to offer. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example and also show your young adult that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Positive Discipline Jane Nelson
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Positive Discipline Jane Nelson
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any individual to fix the dispute. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Positive Discipline Jane Nelson
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positive Discipline Jane Nelson
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. But gradually, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mother or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Discipline Jane Nelson
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Positive Discipline Jane Nelson
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