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When I initially came to be a mother, I understood that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Positive Discipline Montessori
There were a few books on our shelf about handling power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Positive Discipline Montessori
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Positive Discipline Montessori
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began reviewing blog posts about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Positive Discipline Montessori
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” might seem to work temporarily. But long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his background as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Positive Discipline Montessori
Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Positive Discipline Montessori
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently generates much better long-term results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than simple exterior compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Positive Discipline Montessori
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically widely accepted (as well as a lot more usual in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a great deal more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and also me. And frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Positive Discipline Montessori
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a key feeling beneath it
• Most upset children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The point is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Positive Discipline Montessori
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to receive from our child, we should be prepared to offer. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard and show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as a person. Positive Discipline Montessori
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the primary step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Positive Discipline Montessori
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any individual to resolve the problem. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Positive Discipline Montessori
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to solve disputes, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Positive Discipline Montessori
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mommy or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Discipline Montessori
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Positive Discipline Montessori
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