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When I first came to be a mother, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Discipline Nelsen
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they discovered in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Positive Discipline Nelsen
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Positive Discipline Nelsen
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started checking out blogs regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also pretty much every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development Positive Discipline Nelsen
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Positive Discipline Nelsen
Let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Positive Discipline Nelsen
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that cooperation always generates much better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents that adopt this design have learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than plain outward compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s how I was parented, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Positive Discipline Nelsen
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s often simpler (as well as much more common in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Positive Discipline Nelsen
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That means they can go from delighted one moment to major meltdown the next. So rather than dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a main emotion below it
• Many mad children are really scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Positive Discipline Nelsen
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to get from our child, we have to want to offer before anyone else. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the example as well as show your young adult that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as an individual. Positive Discipline Nelsen
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind despite disputes. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Positive Discipline Nelsen
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anyone to deal with the problem. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Positive Discipline Nelsen
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to deal with disputes, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Positive Discipline Nelsen
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mother or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Discipline Nelsen
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Positive Discipline Nelsen
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.