Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially became a mom, I recognized that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Discipline Online Class
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Positive Discipline Online Class
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Positive Discipline Online Class
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reading articles about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as virtually every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development Positive Discipline Online Class
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” might appear to benefit temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Positive Discipline Online Class
Let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want Positive Discipline Online Class
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that collaboration consistently yields much better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what occurs when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere external conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s how I was parented, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Positive Discipline Online Class
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly widely accepted (as well as more usual in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you and also me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Positive Discipline Online Class
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from delighted one minute to complete tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a key emotion below it
• Most angry children are really frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that need to be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that large need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you truly want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … Positive Discipline Online Class
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to obtain from our child, we need to be eager to offer. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example as well as show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as an individual. Positive Discipline Online Class
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Positive Discipline Online Class
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anyone to deal with the dispute. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Positive Discipline Online Class
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two teen sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you come to be a positive parent? Positive Discipline Online Class
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any person who is serious about becoming a more positive mother or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Discipline Online Class
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Positive Discipline Online Class
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.