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When I first came to be a mother, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Discipline Parent Educator Training
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I became a mom.Positive Discipline Parent Educator Training
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Positive Discipline Parent Educator Training
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began reading material concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as practically every other generally accepted parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development Positive Discipline Parent Educator Training
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Positive Discipline Parent Educator Training
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Positive Discipline Parent Educator Training
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that collaboration always generates far better long-lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere external conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. Positive Discipline Parent Educator Training
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically widely accepted (as well as more common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and also me. And often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Positive Discipline Parent Educator Training
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. Rather than combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a primary emotion beneath it
• The majority of angry children are actually anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you truly want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … Positive Discipline Parent Educator Training
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to obtain from our child, we must be ready to give. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the example and communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and also you value them as an individual. Positive Discipline Parent Educator Training
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind despite conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Positive Discipline Parent Educator Training
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anyone to deal with the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Positive Discipline Parent Educator Training
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to solve disputes, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positive Discipline Parent Educator Training
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old ways. Yet gradually, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not think how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about becoming a more positive mama or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Discipline Parent Educator Training
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Positive Discipline Parent Educator Training
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