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When I initially came to be a mama, I recognized that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Discipline Parent Workshop
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Positive Discipline Parent Workshop
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Positive Discipline Parent Workshop
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reading material regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and basically every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas bring about healthy child development Positive Discipline Parent Workshop
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Positive Discipline Parent Workshop
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for Positive Discipline Parent Workshop
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that cooperation always yields better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Parents who adopt this design have actually learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple outside compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Positive Discipline Parent Workshop
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually much easier (and much more typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you as well as me. And many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Positive Discipline Parent Workshop
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from happy one minute to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a primary feeling under it
• The majority of mad children are really frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s hard because you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our following example … Positive Discipline Parent Workshop
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we have to be prepared to offer. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard and communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as an individual. Positive Discipline Parent Workshop
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Positive Discipline Parent Workshop
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any person to solve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Positive Discipline Parent Workshop
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positive Discipline Parent Workshop
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mom or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Discipline Parent Workshop
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Positive Discipline Parent Workshop
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