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When I first came to be a mother, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Positive Discipline Quotes
There were a few books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Positive Discipline Quotes
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Positive Discipline Quotes
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reviewing material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and virtually every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Positive Discipline Quotes
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might seem to work for the moment. However in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Positive Discipline Quotes
Initially, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they want Positive Discipline Quotes
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that collaboration always produces better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who adopt this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain outward compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Positive Discipline Quotes
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically easier (as well as much more common in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and also me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Positive Discipline Quotes
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. So rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a key emotion under it
• Many mad children are actually anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s hard because you truly want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next example … Positive Discipline Quotes
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to receive from our child, we must agree to provide first. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as a person. Positive Discipline Quotes
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Positive Discipline Quotes
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any individual to solve the dispute. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Positive Discipline Quotes
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Positive Discipline Quotes
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mama or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Discipline Quotes
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Positive Discipline Quotes
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