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When I initially came to be a mother, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Discipline Summary
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to recognize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Positive Discipline Summary
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Positive Discipline Summary
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began checking out material regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as pretty much every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development Positive Discipline Summary
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit temporarily. Yet long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Positive Discipline Summary
Initially, let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Positive Discipline Summary
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that cooperation consistently yields far better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents that adopt this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what happens once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple exterior conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Positive Discipline Summary
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly widely accepted (and also extra usual in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a whole lot further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you as well as me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Positive Discipline Summary
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a key feeling under it
• Many mad children are in fact scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following scenario … Positive Discipline Summary
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to get from our child, we have to agree to offer before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard as well as show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as a person. Positive Discipline Summary
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Positive Discipline Summary
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to solve the conflict. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Positive Discipline Summary
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, and even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Positive Discipline Summary
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to alter your old ways. However gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mommy or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Discipline Summary
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Positive Discipline Summary
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