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When I first became a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Discipline Techniques
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I became a mama.Positive Discipline Techniques
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Positive Discipline Techniques
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began checking out blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and virtually every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts lead to healthy child development Positive Discipline Techniques
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had observed firsthand how being the “mean father” may appear to help for the moment. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history as well as discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Positive Discipline Techniques
First, let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they ask for Positive Discipline Techniques
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that collaboration always produces far better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Parents who adopt this design have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than plain outside conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Positive Discipline Techniques
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically much easier (and much more common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you and also me. And many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Positive Discipline Techniques
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That means they can go from delighted one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a primary feeling beneath it
• Most mad children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following scenario … Positive Discipline Techniques
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to get from our child, we should be ready to give. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and also you value them as an individual. Positive Discipline Techniques
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Positive Discipline Techniques
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any individual to settle the conflict. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Positive Discipline Techniques
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, and also even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positive Discipline Techniques
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you’ve altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mom or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Discipline Techniques
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Positive Discipline Techniques
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