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When I initially came to be a mother, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, however they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Discipline Tool Cards
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they found out in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Positive Discipline Tool Cards
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Positive Discipline Tool Cards
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began reviewing blog posts concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also basically every other typically approved parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles lead to healthy child development Positive Discipline Tool Cards
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” might seem to benefit for the moment. But long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Positive Discipline Tool Cards
Let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they ask for Positive Discipline Tool Cards
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that cooperation always produces far better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere external compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Positive Discipline Tool Cards
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly widely accepted (as well as a lot more usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a whole lot farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you as well as me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Positive Discipline Tool Cards
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet matured. That means they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a primary emotion under it
• Many mad children are actually scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you really really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next example … Positive Discipline Tool Cards
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to obtain from our child, we should be willing to offer first. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as a person. Positive Discipline Tool Cards
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Positive Discipline Tool Cards
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anyone to resolve the problem. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Positive Discipline Tool Cards
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positive Discipline Tool Cards
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old way of life. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mama or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Discipline Tool Cards
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Positive Discipline Tool Cards
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.