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When I initially came to be a mommy, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Discipline Training
There were a few books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Positive Discipline Training
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Positive Discipline Training
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started reading material regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also virtually every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts lead to healthy child development Positive Discipline Training
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may appear to work for the moment. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Positive Discipline Training
First, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they want Positive Discipline Training
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that cooperation consistently yields far better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have actually learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what happens once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain outward conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Positive Discipline Training
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently widely accepted (as well as a lot more usual in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Positive Discipline Training
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from delighted one minute to complete meltdown the next. So rather than fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a primary emotion below it
• The majority of angry children are in fact frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry since I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s hard since you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … Positive Discipline Training
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to get from our child, we should be willing to give before anyone else. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard and also show your teenager that you value their point of view, and you respect them as an individual. Positive Discipline Training
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Positive Discipline Training
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to resolve the problem. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Positive Discipline Training
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positive Discipline Training
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mom or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Discipline Training
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Positive Discipline Training
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.