Positive Discipline Vs Corporal Punishment – How I Used Positive Parenting to Once And For All Get My Kids to Behave

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Positive Discipline Vs Corporal Punishment
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially became a mom, I knew that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Positive Discipline Vs Corporal Punishment

There were a couple of books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”

I’m unsure what exactly they learned in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.

It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Positive Discipline Vs Corporal Punishment

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Positive Discipline Vs Corporal Punishment

My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started reviewing material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also virtually every other generally approved parenting method.

I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Solving power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How all of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Positive Discipline Vs Corporal Punishment

Positive Discipline Vs Corporal Punishment

During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could appear to work for the moment. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.

Given his history and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and implementing positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting mean anyway? Positive Discipline Vs Corporal Punishment

Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids run wild

• Being a passive parent

• Overlooking significant wrongdoing

• Offering your children whatever they want Positive Discipline Vs Corporal Punishment

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”

• Having no limitations

You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that collaboration consistently produces better lasting outcomes than forced control.

Parents that adopt this design have learned to foster:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Establishing healthy boundaries

• Building a child’s fundamental character traits

Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?

• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued

• Assisting kids to establish self-control

• Going much deeper than mere exterior conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Positive Discipline Vs Corporal Punishment

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.

Right here are a couple of the methods Amy teaches to encourage you to become the mother or daddy you have actually always intended to be, and also assist your child to reach his or her complete potential.

Discover the root of the misbehavior

I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly easier (and a lot more usual in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.

But we can get a whole lot more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you and me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Positive Discipline Vs Corporal Punishment

As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to complete meltdown the next. So instead of battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Young children have little self-control to start with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a main feeling underneath it

• Most mad children are actually scared and/or sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that big need first.

• Validate his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.

• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following example … Positive Discipline Vs Corporal Punishment

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we must be willing to give. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?

It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as a person. Positive Discipline Vs Corporal Punishment

This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind despite conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Positive Discipline Vs Corporal Punishment

Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …

Just recently, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to deal with the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Positive Discipline Vs Corporal Punishment

Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.

Some readers might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.

So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positive Discipline Vs Corporal Punishment

This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.

I recommend any person who is serious about coming to be a more positive mama or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Discipline Vs Corporal Punishment

You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.

In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Positive Discipline Vs Corporal Punishment


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