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When I first became a mommy, I understood that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Positive Discipline What It Is And How To Do It
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they found out in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Positive Discipline What It Is And How To Do It
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Positive Discipline What It Is And How To Do It
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started checking out blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, severe punishments as well as pretty much every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Positive Discipline What It Is And How To Do It
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could appear to work for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Positive Discipline What It Is And How To Do It
Let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they ask for Positive Discipline What It Is And How To Do It
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that collaboration consistently produces better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what occurs when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than simple external conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. Positive Discipline What It Is And How To Do It
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often widely accepted (and also more typical in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a great deal more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and also me. And most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Positive Discipline What It Is And How To Do It
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a primary feeling under it
• The majority of angry children are actually frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s hard because you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … Positive Discipline What It Is And How To Do It
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to receive from our child, we should be eager to provide. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as an individual. Positive Discipline What It Is And How To Do It
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Positive Discipline What It Is And How To Do It
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anyone to settle the conflict. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Positive Discipline What It Is And How To Do It
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my other half, Antonio, and also his two teen sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positive Discipline What It Is And How To Do It
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you’ve altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mama or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Discipline What It Is And How To Do It
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Positive Discipline What It Is And How To Do It
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