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When I first came to be a mother, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Discipline Workplace
There were a few books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Positive Discipline Workplace
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Positive Discipline Workplace
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began checking out blog posts regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as practically every other generally accepted parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas cause healthy child development Positive Discipline Workplace
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might appear to benefit for the moment. But long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Positive Discipline Workplace
First, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they want Positive Discipline Workplace
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the reality that collaboration consistently produces much better long-term results than strict control.
Parents that embrace this design have figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple outward compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Positive Discipline Workplace
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically widely accepted (as well as more usual in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Positive Discipline Workplace
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a key emotion underneath it
• The majority of upset children are really frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following example … Positive Discipline Workplace
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to get from our child, we have to be prepared to provide. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard and communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as a person. Positive Discipline Workplace
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind despite conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Positive Discipline Workplace
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anyone to fix the problem. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Positive Discipline Workplace
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his two teen sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Positive Discipline Workplace
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old way of life. But gradually, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about coming to be a more positive mother or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Discipline Workplace
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Positive Discipline Workplace
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.