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When I first came to be a mama, I understood that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Discipline Worksheets
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Positive Discipline Worksheets
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Positive Discipline Worksheets
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as virtually every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development Positive Discipline Worksheets
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” might appear to benefit temporarily. Yet long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Positive Discipline Worksheets
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they want Positive Discipline Worksheets
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that collaboration always generates better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain external compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Positive Discipline Worksheets
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly widely accepted (and extra common in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a great deal further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Positive Discipline Worksheets
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from delighted one minute to complete tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a main feeling underneath it
• The majority of mad children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough since you really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following example … Positive Discipline Worksheets
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to receive from our child, we must be ready to provide. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and you value them as a person. Positive Discipline Worksheets
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Positive Discipline Worksheets
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any individual to settle the dispute. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Positive Discipline Worksheets
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to resolve disputes, and also even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Positive Discipline Worksheets
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old parenting style. However bit by bit, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about becoming an extra positive mother or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Discipline Worksheets
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Positive Discipline Worksheets
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.