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When I first became a mom, I knew that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Positive Effect Of Parent
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they learned in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to recognize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Positive Effect Of Parent
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Positive Effect Of Parent
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began reading articles about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also pretty much every other typically approved parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas bring about healthy child development Positive Effect Of Parent
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might appear to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his history and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Positive Effect Of Parent
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they ask for Positive Effect Of Parent
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the reality that cooperation always produces better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple outside conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Positive Effect Of Parent
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s usually much easier (and a lot more typical in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and me. And also most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Positive Effect Of Parent
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a main feeling under it
• Most upset children are really anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following scenario … Positive Effect Of Parent
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to receive from our child, we should be willing to provide before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as an individual. Positive Effect Of Parent
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Positive Effect Of Parent
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any person to settle the problem. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Positive Effect Of Parent
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Positive Effect Of Parent
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old way of life. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mommy or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Effect Of Parent
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Positive Effect Of Parent
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