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When I initially came to be a mama, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, however they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Guidance Techniques
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I became a mother.Positive Guidance Techniques
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Positive Guidance Techniques
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started reading material about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development Positive Guidance Techniques
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had seen firsthand how being the “mean father” could appear to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Positive Guidance Techniques
Initially, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they want Positive Guidance Techniques
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that collaboration consistently yields better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than mere exterior compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Positive Guidance Techniques
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly easier (as well as much more usual in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you as well as me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Positive Guidance Techniques
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That means they can go from happy one minute to complete meltdown the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a key emotion underneath it
• A lot of upset children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s tough because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following example … Positive Guidance Techniques
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we need to be prepared to give. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult merely since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as an individual. Positive Guidance Techniques
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Positive Guidance Techniques
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any person to resolve the dispute. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Positive Guidance Techniques
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to settle conflict, and also even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my other half, Antonio, and his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positive Guidance Techniques
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about becoming an extra positive mom or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Guidance Techniques
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Positive Guidance Techniques
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