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When I first came to be a mother, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Life Tips
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Positive Life Tips
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Positive Life Tips
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started reviewing blog posts concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and also practically every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development Positive Life Tips
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” could appear to help for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Positive Life Tips
First, let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they ask for Positive Life Tips
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that collaboration always yields far better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere outside compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I just had no framework for anything different. Positive Life Tips
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly easier (and extra typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot farther towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and me. And frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Positive Life Tips
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a key emotion underneath it
• Most upset children are really anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The point is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following example … Positive Life Tips
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we need to be eager to give. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen simply because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their point of view, and you respect them as a person. Positive Life Tips
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Positive Life Tips
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any person to deal with the dispute. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Positive Life Tips
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to settle disputes, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his two teen boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positive Life Tips
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old way of life. But little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about becoming a much more positive mommy or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Life Tips
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Positive Life Tips
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