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When I initially came to be a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Opposites Psychology
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Positive Opposites Psychology
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Positive Opposites Psychology
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began reading material about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as pretty much every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development Positive Opposites Psychology
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to benefit for the moment. But in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Positive Opposites Psychology
Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Positive Opposites Psychology
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that collaboration always produces far better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere outward conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Positive Opposites Psychology
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly simpler (as well as more typical in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Positive Opposites Psychology
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one minute to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a main feeling underneath it
• A lot of upset children are really scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be met first. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you genuinely want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following scenario … Positive Opposites Psychology
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we should be willing to give. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult merely since I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the example and also show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as a person. Positive Opposites Psychology
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind when faced with problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Positive Opposites Psychology
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anyone to fix the dispute. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Positive Opposites Psychology
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Positive Opposites Psychology
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old ways. However bit by bit, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody who is serious about becoming a more positive mother or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Opposites Psychology
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Positive Opposites Psychology
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