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When I initially became a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive P Words
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Positive P Words
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Positive P Words
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started checking out blogs concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and basically every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Positive P Words
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might appear to help for the moment. But long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Positive P Words
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Positive P Words
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that cooperation consistently generates much better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what happens when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple exterior conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Positive P Words
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually much easier (and also much more common in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can get a great deal more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and also me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Positive P Words
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete meltdown the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a main feeling below it
• Most upset children are really anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you truly want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … Positive P Words
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to get from our child, we must be willing to offer first. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard and communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as a person. Positive P Words
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Positive P Words
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any person to deal with the problem. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Positive P Words
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to settle conflict, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positive P Words
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old parenting style. But gradually, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mama or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive P Words
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Positive P Words
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