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When I initially became a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Parent Book
There were a couple of books on our shelf about managing power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Positive Parent Book
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Positive Parent Book
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started checking out blog posts about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, severe punishments as well as practically every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles lead to healthy child development Positive Parent Book
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to work for the moment. But long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Positive Parent Book
First, let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they want Positive Parent Book
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently produces better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents that embrace this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain outward compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Positive Parent Book
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently widely accepted (and extra typical in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a whole lot farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and also me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Positive Parent Book
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a key feeling below it
• Many angry children are really scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s tough since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next scenario … Positive Parent Book
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we have to be willing to offer. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and also communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as an individual. Positive Parent Book
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Positive Parent Book
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anyone to fix the problem. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Positive Parent Book
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Positive Parent Book
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about becoming a much more positive mom or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Parent Book
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Positive Parent Book
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.