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When I initially became a mom, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Parent Child Relationships
There were a few books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Positive Parent Child Relationships
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Positive Parent Child Relationships
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began checking out blogs about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also practically every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development Positive Parent Child Relationships
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may appear to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Positive Parent Child Relationships
Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they want Positive Parent Child Relationships
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently yields much better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents that embrace this concept have figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than plain outward compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Positive Parent Child Relationships
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently easier (and also extra usual in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you as well as me. And frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Positive Parent Child Relationships
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a primary feeling under it
• The majority of angry children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s hard because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our next scenario … Positive Parent Child Relationships
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we should be eager to provide. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard and also show your teen that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as a person. Positive Parent Child Relationships
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Positive Parent Child Relationships
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any individual to settle the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Positive Parent Child Relationships
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positive Parent Child Relationships
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old way of life. However little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mom or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Parent Child Relationships
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parent Child Relationships
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