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When I initially came to be a mommy, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Parent Comments For Report Cards
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they found out in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Positive Parent Comments For Report Cards
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Positive Parent Comments For Report Cards
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began checking out blog posts about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also basically every other generally accepted parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts lead to healthy child development Positive Parent Comments For Report Cards
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could appear to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his history and finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Positive Parent Comments For Report Cards
First, let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they ask for Positive Parent Comments For Report Cards
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that cooperation always generates far better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents that embrace this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere external conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Positive Parent Comments For Report Cards
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently widely accepted (and also extra usual in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a lot further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you and me. And many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Positive Parent Comments For Report Cards
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a primary feeling below it
• The majority of upset children are in fact frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following scenario … Positive Parent Comments For Report Cards
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to obtain from our child, we must agree to give before anyone else. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as an individual. Positive Parent Comments For Report Cards
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Positive Parent Comments For Report Cards
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anyone to deal with the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Positive Parent Comments For Report Cards
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to settle disputes, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his two teen boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So how can you become a positive parent? Positive Parent Comments For Report Cards
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to change your old way of life. Yet bit by bit, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mom or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Parent Comments For Report Cards
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Positive Parent Comments For Report Cards
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