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When I initially became a mommy, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Parent Communication Log
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they found out in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mama.Positive Parent Communication Log
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Positive Parent Communication Log
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started reading blog posts concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and pretty much every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles lead to healthy child development Positive Parent Communication Log
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may appear to help temporarily. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Positive Parent Communication Log
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they ask for Positive Parent Communication Log
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that collaboration consistently generates better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere exterior compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Positive Parent Communication Log
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Right here are a number of the strategies Amy teaches to assist you to become the mother or father you have actually always wanted to be, and also assist your child to reach his or her full potential.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently simpler (and much more typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Positive Parent Communication Log
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. So instead of fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a main emotion below it
• A lot of upset children are in fact anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s tough since you really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our following example … Positive Parent Communication Log
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to receive from our child, we have to agree to provide first. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager merely due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as a person. Positive Parent Communication Log
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Positive Parent Communication Log
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to fix the dispute. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Positive Parent Communication Log
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Positive Parent Communication Log
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old ways. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about becoming an extra positive mom or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Parent Communication Log
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parent Communication Log
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