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When I first came to be a mom, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Parent Contact Log
There were a few books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they found out in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Positive Parent Contact Log
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Positive Parent Contact Log
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started checking out blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, severe punishments and pretty much every other typically accepted parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development Positive Parent Contact Log
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could seem to work temporarily. However long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Positive Parent Contact Log
First, let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they want Positive Parent Contact Log
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that cooperation consistently generates much better long-term results than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain outward conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Positive Parent Contact Log
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often easier (as well as more typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and also me. And also most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Positive Parent Contact Log
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. So rather than battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a primary feeling below it
• Most upset children are in fact scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s tough since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Positive Parent Contact Log
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we should be eager to offer. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and also show your teen that you value their point of view, and you appreciate them as an individual. Positive Parent Contact Log
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind when faced with problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Positive Parent Contact Log
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any person to resolve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Positive Parent Contact Log
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Positive Parent Contact Log
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old ways. But gradually, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about becoming a more positive mommy or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Positive Parent Contact Log
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Positive Parent Contact Log
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.