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When I initially became a mother, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Positive Parent Email From Teacher
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they learned in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Positive Parent Email From Teacher
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Positive Parent Email From Teacher
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started checking out blogs about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and basically every other commonly approved parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Positive Parent Email From Teacher
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could seem to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Positive Parent Email From Teacher
Let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they want Positive Parent Email From Teacher
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that cooperation consistently generates better lasting results than strict control.
Parents that embrace this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than mere outward conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Positive Parent Email From Teacher
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently widely accepted (as well as much more common in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a whole lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Positive Parent Email From Teacher
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet matured. That means they can go from happy one minute to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a key emotion below it
• The majority of angry children are really frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you truly wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our next example … Positive Parent Email From Teacher
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we have to want to provide first. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example and also show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as an individual. Positive Parent Email From Teacher
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Positive Parent Email From Teacher
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to solve the dispute. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Positive Parent Email From Teacher
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positive Parent Email From Teacher
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about becoming an extra positive mommy or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Parent Email From Teacher
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Positive Parent Email From Teacher
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.