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When I first came to be a mommy, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Positive Parent Emails
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Positive Parent Emails
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Positive Parent Emails
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started checking out blog posts about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also virtually every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas lead to healthy child development Positive Parent Emails
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could seem to work temporarily. However in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Positive Parent Emails
Let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they want Positive Parent Emails
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that collaboration always generates better lasting results than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this design have figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what occurs once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere outward compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Positive Parent Emails
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually simpler (as well as extra typical in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and also me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Positive Parent Emails
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That means they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. So instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a main emotion beneath it
• Most upset children are in fact scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next example … Positive Parent Emails
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we have to be willing to give before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Positive Parent Emails
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Positive Parent Emails
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any person to deal with the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Positive Parent Emails
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to settle disputes, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Positive Parent Emails
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old ways. However bit by bit, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mommy or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Parent Emails
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parent Emails
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