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When I first became a mom, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, however they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Positive Parent Mail Template
There were a couple of books on our shelf about handling power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Positive Parent Mail Template
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Positive Parent Mail Template
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reading blog posts regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, severe punishments and pretty much every other commonly approved parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles lead to healthy child development Positive Parent Mail Template
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” could appear to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Positive Parent Mail Template
First, let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Positive Parent Mail Template
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that collaboration consistently produces much better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents that adopt this design have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … After all, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than simple exterior conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Positive Parent Mail Template
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Here are a couple of the techniques Amy teaches to encourage you to come to be the mom or dad you have actually always intended to be, as well as help your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly easier (and much more usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you and also me. And most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Positive Parent Mail Template
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a key feeling under it
• The majority of upset children are in fact scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s hard since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following scenario … Positive Parent Mail Template
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we must agree to offer before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the example as well as show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Positive Parent Mail Template
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind despite problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Positive Parent Mail Template
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any individual to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Positive Parent Mail Template
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to settle conflict, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
How can you become a positive parent? Positive Parent Mail Template
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mom or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Parent Mail Template
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Positive Parent Mail Template
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.