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When I first became a mom, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Parent Phone Calls
There were a few books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they found out in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Positive Parent Phone Calls
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Positive Parent Phone Calls
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began checking out material concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Positive Parent Phone Calls
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” might appear to work temporarily. But in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Positive Parent Phone Calls
Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Positive Parent Phone Calls
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that cooperation always generates much better long-term results than strict control.
Parents who adopt this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than simple external compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I just had no framework for anything different. Positive Parent Phone Calls
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly easier (and a lot more common in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you as well as me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Positive Parent Phone Calls
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from joyful one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a primary emotion beneath it
• The majority of upset children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … Positive Parent Phone Calls
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to obtain from our child, we need to be willing to provide. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard and communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as a person. Positive Parent Phone Calls
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind despite problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Positive Parent Phone Calls
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anyone to solve the problem. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Positive Parent Phone Calls
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his two teen sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Positive Parent Phone Calls
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about becoming a more positive mother or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Parent Phone Calls
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parent Phone Calls
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.