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When I initially became a mom, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Parent Postcards
There were a few books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they found out in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Positive Parent Postcards
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Positive Parent Postcards
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reviewing blogs about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and virtually every other generally accepted parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts lead to healthy child development Positive Parent Postcards
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might appear to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Positive Parent Postcards
Let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they want Positive Parent Postcards
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that cooperation consistently generates far better lasting results than strict control.
Parents who adopt this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than mere external compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I just had no framework for anything different. Positive Parent Postcards
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Right here are a couple of the methods Amy teaches to help you to come to be the mommy or father you have actually always intended to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly much easier (as well as more typical in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can get a great deal more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and also me. And also most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Positive Parent Postcards
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a key feeling under it
• Most upset children are really frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next scenario … Positive Parent Postcards
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to get from our child, we need to be ready to provide. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager merely due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and you value them as a person. Positive Parent Postcards
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Positive Parent Postcards
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any person to deal with the dispute. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Positive Parent Postcards
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to deal with disputes, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Positive Parent Postcards
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old ways. Yet little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any person who is serious about becoming a more positive mother or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Parent Postcards
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parent Postcards
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