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When I first became a mommy, I recognized that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Positive Parent Praise
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Positive Parent Praise
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Positive Parent Praise
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began checking out blogs regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and practically every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development Positive Parent Praise
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Positive Parent Praise
Let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Positive Parent Praise
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that collaboration consistently produces better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this design have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what happens when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than plain outward conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Positive Parent Praise
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Identify the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually widely accepted (and much more common in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a great deal further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And also most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Positive Parent Praise
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from delighted one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a primary emotion below it
• Many mad children are really anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s tough since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our following scenario … Positive Parent Praise
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to obtain from our child, we should be prepared to offer. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as a person. Positive Parent Praise
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind despite problems. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Positive Parent Praise
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any person to solve the dispute. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Positive Parent Praise
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Positive Parent Praise
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old parenting style. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about becoming a more positive mom or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Positive Parent Praise
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Positive Parent Praise
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